Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Love makes a family

When you are a young adult, the clever and important question to ask is - "If x% of families are dysfunctional, what is the function of the family?"  It is a time when you need to define yourself as an adult, as having an identity separate from the expectations and infantilizations of your parents.  It is also a time of socializing with peers and learning that their families are as whacky and dysfunctional as your own.

By the time you are a parent, "what is the function of the family?" is an entirely practical and important question, and the answers are obvious, starting with the truth of this truism - "you don't understand your parents until you become a parent."

The function of the family is to raise children to adulthood.  To protect and nourish children; to provide a safe environment; to educate and socialize children to function as capable adults.  There must be something special at work that makes these commitments and obligations so compelling.

I have to believe there is some inheritance in the human genome that makes the attentiveness and constancy required for raising a child really, really rewarding.  Intrinsically satisfying, so that even when you are tired, frustrated, exasperated, this is still what you most want to be doing.  So that even when you don't have the energy for childrearing, you somehow have the energy for childrearing.

It feels like love.  Love like you have never felt.  Love to where you know that you would lay down your life, in a heartbeat, to save the life of your child.

Just the happy daily being-there-ness of loving your child feels intrinsically nourishing.  And this is a good thing.


No comments:

Post a Comment